Title: If You Really Fell (2/?)
Summary: Kris and Adam write a song together and it changes how they see each other forever.
Rating: R for now, eventual NC-17
Disclaimer: They're real, this isn't.
By eleven am, the morning after Kris Allen kissed Adam Lambert, Kris was pretty much almost kind of positive that it hadn’t actually happened.
By eleven am, the morning after Kris Allen kissed Adam Lambert, Kris was pretty much almost kind of positive that it hadn’t actually happened. He wandered sleepily into the lounge area, stretched and greeted the other early risers who were getting ready to have a day out in Boston. But then he happened to glance over at the sofa where Adam was sitting... the very same sofa where... fuck.
Adam instinctively leapt from the danger zone, eyes wide and mildly terrified. It was weird when Kris was the calm one.
He shot Adam a look that hopefully conveyed something along the lines of pull yourself together.
“Um,” said Adam, scanning the confused faces of Matt, Michael, and Danny. “Just remembered. Forgot to make a phone call,” he said smoothly. “Just gonna... yeah...” Adam darted away from the room as quickly as possible, perhaps to go bury himself under some covers and hide.
“Okay,” said Danny sarcastically. “Let us know how it goes...”
“Does this mean he’s not coming to the science museum?” wondered Matt aloud.
Kris took a couple of deep breaths and mumbled, “Don’t think so.”
But clearly Adam hadn’t taken the hint, because a few hours later Kris was unashamedly peering at him through a glass tank in which rubber balls dropped in the Mathematics room. He was giggling away with Allison as they watched their pennies travel around and around one of those funnel things that seemed to be located every ten feet.
What really annoyed Kris, as the group stalked around the massive, winding building, was that after his initial episode that morning, Adam seemed to be entirely unaffected by the events of the night before. Just as happy and bouncing, just as friendly with fans who stopped him, whereas Kris could barely focus long enough to sign his name before he accidentally began writing “Kris Allambert.” And yet every time he tried to corner Adam, he would find some way to disappear, to suddenly be busy chatting away with someone else.
Kris stared at Adam all during their run of the planet room, watching him point at the colorful glowing orbs and read each plaque aloud to Allison who would humor him with regular exclamations of “Ooh!” and “Let’s go over there!”
“You’re the best museum partner ever,” said Adam, giving her a half hug and mussing her cherry-bright hair. Kris had never been so jealous of anyone in his life.
By the time they entered the Omni IMAX theater, Kris was determined to get Adam alone. He needed to talk to him, now, and it didn’t matter that he had absolutely no idea what he was going to say or even how he felt about what had happened. He had always been able to talk to Adam about anything, and it was breaking his heart a little bit to see that changing.
As they filed into their seats, Kris anticipated Adam’s move and fancied himself kind of clever entering from the other side of the row so as to end up next to him. But low and behold, Danny switched with Adam at the last second so Kris ended up on the end next to an especially loud, boisterous Gokey.
“These seats are really steep, aren’t they?” Danny laughed nervously. “You could, like, trip and just fall all the way down...”
A cool female voice filled the cavernous, egg-shaped theater, warning the audience of the chance of motion sickness. Danny’s breathing quickened beside him as the words “Adrenaline Rush: The Science of Risk” appeared on the wide, wide screen.
Half an hour into the movie which showed incredibly realistic skydiving, bungee jumping, and ludicrously high roller-coasters, Danny couldn’t take it anymore and practically ran from the theater, clutching his mouth with both hands. Adam rose immediately, stage-whispering, “I’m gonna go see if he’s - ”
“No,” said Kris loudly and sharply. The word had fallen from his mouth without his consent but at least he had finally, finally, gotten Adam’s attention.
Adam was staring at him, shocked and horrified. Kris was vaguely aware of half the audience turning around and looking at him, as well as the rest of their group’s open mouths and confused glances toward one another.
“Not here,” mouthed Adam significantly. “Later.”
“No. Now,” said Kris.
Helplessly, Adam followed him out of the theater onto the ramp that overlooked the dinosaur skeletons, where they were quite alone.
“What the fuck was that, Kris?” spat Adam, throwing up his arms in anger. “Could you possibly be drawing any more attention to us right now?”
“You’re the one who’s been ignoring me the whole time!” Kris shot back.
“What, you think I haven’t been thinking about this all fucking day? You think it hasn’t been eating me up inside?” Adam said intensely, full of emotion.
“Were you seriously just gonna pretend it didn’t happen?”
“Yes, Kris! Of course I was.”
Kris stopped dead. “What do you mean? Why?”
All the anger seemed to drain out of Adam at those words and he sank to the yellowing carpet. “I can’t deal with this. I can’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t.”
“I don’t understand,” said Kris, sinking with him, reaching out to him. “I thought we should at least talk about it.”
Adam flinched away and Kris’ fingertips felt burned. “Kris, you’re married. And I... I have Drake.”
“I know, I know, but it was just a kiss, it didn’t mean anything. Nothing’s gonna change with us,” begged Kris. “That’s all I wanted to say, Adam, really.” Which was a filthy lie.
Adam sighed and let his head fall between his knees. “Right. You’re right. It didn’t mean anything.”
Neither of them spoke for a moment. Kris watched the pterodactyl swaying menacingly below them.
“I don’t think we’re allowed to go back in,” Adam said after a minute.
“Want to go check out the optical illusions?”
Adam paused, and then a huge smile broke out on his face. “Yeah, sure.”
Kris grinned and opened his arms for a hug, thinking to himself that maybe it really hadn’t meant anything, maybe things would stay the same after all. But his usual act of pressing himself into Adam’s body, feeling strong arms encircle him, felt very, distinctly, different.
They broke apart quickly and didn’t look at each other for a second or two, then started walking in the same direction.
Everything was mostly normal for the rest of the day; they wandered around the Common a bit, ate dinner at Fire & Ice, then went to their hotel. Kris hated hotel nights, but he’d never told anyone that, since they’d all obsessively proclaimed their hate for traveling on the bus. It wasn’t so much the comfort of the bus that he missed, but the sense of a community. Really, Kris just hated sleeping alone. He always needed someone to talk him into slumber.
After calling Katy and listening to her relay her plans about her acting career to him for half an hour, Kris fell asleep almost instantly. But his dreams were disturbed. He was in a night club. He didn’t know anyone. A weird version of the song he and Adam had written - warped to an almost techno-like sound - blasted in his ears. He was scared and looking for someone. He realized he was looking for Adam... but he was nowhere in sight, the dancers all shadowy and faceless. He rushed to the center of the crowd, certain he’d be there, waiting for him, but there were only empty faces angled downward, dancing freakishly. Kris tried to get away, but he couldn’t. They were pressing in on him, coming closer. The music was too loud now, he couldn’t hear or see anything, where was Adam, he needed him.
He called out, “Adam! Adam!” louder and louder, but he couldn’t hear his own voice. “ADAM!”
Suddenly he flew bolt upright in bed, wide awake in his lit room. He glanced around frantically, panting, and found himself face to face with Adam himself, standing beside his bed, hands gripping Kris’ shoulders.
“God, you scared me. I could hear you through the wall.”
Kris couldn’t say anything for a few seconds, just let his head fall forward and rest on Adam’s right arm.
“You should really make sure your door is closed. Wouldn’t want some crazed fan breaking in,” murmured Adam, close to his ear.
“I’m glad you did, though.” Kris said into Adam’s shoulder. Then he shook himself and raised his head; Adam backed away a bit. “It was an awful dream.”
Adam looked at him, worried. “Sounded awful.”
Kris closed his eyes, reliving the horrific nightmare, the twisted version of their song. He half expected Adam to be gone by the time he opened them again, but he was still standing there, eyes more concerned than ever. And suddenly the idea of Adam being gone again made him feel sick.
“Do you maybe want to stick around for a bit? Watch some TV or something? Finish writing that song?”
Kris tried to keep his face casual, but Adam looked down and shook his head. “I don’t know, Kris.”
“Hey, we said nothing was going to change,” said Kris fiercely, and Adam looked up again with a curious expression.
“Yeah, what am I saying. Let’s finish that song.”
Kris grabbed his guitar and they settled onto the couch, working into very early in the morning, flushing out lyrics and melodies and even adding dissonant harmonies to the chorus, which were Kris’ favorite.
“I really really love the chorus to Wipe It Away,” said Adam thoughtfully at one point. “It’s so... creative. We should do something like that.”
Sometime near four in the morning, when he was lying in bed listening to Adam’s breathing drifting over from the sofa a few yards away, Kris replayed those words in his head, over and over. They blended with the lyrics and other words Adam had spoken that day, making a sort of collage in Kris’ head. He thought about when Adam had said he “promised himself he wouldn’t deal with this,” and wondered what it meant. He fell asleep before he could come to any conclusion, however, and didn’t hear the sound of Adam rising from the sofa a few minutes later.
CONTINUE TO PART THREE
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